Most of us are guilty of feeling a constant need to check emails, scroll through Facebook and throw out a couple likes on Instagram. Having our entire lives at our fingertips is almost too convenient. I admit, I also fall prey to this. I find myself re-loading my Mail app every 10 minutes thinking that some important news from work or school will come in. Although this makes our lives that much easier, I think it also adds a certain amount of pressure as well. Especially with the social media craze, it’s overwhelming at times. Something to note, however, is that people typically only post the best version of themselves online – would you post that one picture that your eyes are closed or share news that you didn’t get accepted into the program of your dreams? Probably not.
Living with anxiety can make this all more troublesome. It can become too much really quickly. Luckily, our phones can actually be the end of these problems too! These apps are a great way to not only manage your anxiety, but manage your life so that your anxiety doesn’t flare up. Stress-free me sometimes means less-anxious me, and I’m totally ok with that. I focus on three aspects of mental health: Mindfulness, Sleep and Writing.
Picture this: A traditional European family who often look to tea, sleep and praying to God Almighty as remedies for everything and anything and refer to mental illness as ‘being messed up’
Picture me: Terrified (and anxious, of course), writing this in her diary (yes, this is a real excerpt from 2 years ago):
March 15, 2015
I’m so conflicted and scared and anxious and worried and nervous and undecided and hyperventilating and having panic attacks and so fucking depressed. Someone please end this feeling cause it fucking sucks so much sometimes I think about just doing it but then I think no, I won’t do that, I can’t do that.
I can’t do it
Yeah. I basically used every synonym for “nervous” that you could find in the dictionary. Looking back, it makes me so sad that I ever felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
Back to my family. What I’m trying to say here is that telling them that I couldn’t go certain places because I would have panic attacks, or that I couldn’t concentrate for more than 20 minutes because of racing thoughts, was going to be really freaken’ hard.
But, I did.
Continue reading “explaining my anxiety to my family”
This is a poem I wrote about 2 years ago. It discusses my perspective of telling someone a secret of my past, one that hurt me and that I had kept to myself up until that moment. Love can make you do crazy things.
The ocean is in my ears tonight.
The slow, steady roll of the midnight tide keeps me awake,
my eyes pinned open,
like an Orchid budding in the middle of May.
The bitterness of the water is a tall, iced lemonade.
a constant reminder of my mistake.
I told him the secret.
Continue reading “spoken word: the secret”