If I’m being honest, I have no idea what I’m doing right now.
I never thought I would be that girl sitting at her work desk, blogging and blogging about her anxiety nonetheless. Anyways, we digress..
ME. My name is Carol, I’m a university student in Canada and, as I’m sure you have already guessed, I have anxiety! I also love to read books, spend time outside, talk to people about anything and everything and watch videos of puppies. I also quite enjoy dry humour and re-tweeting funny political tweets. Again, I love dogs. A lot.
LIFE. I’m an only child so I quite like my alone time, but my friends are the wind beneath my wings. I’m also not used to talking about myself so this whole endeavour is quite daunting to me, as you can imagine. I’m really only doing this for one person though. Me. I’m the kind of person who always preaches about mental health, being open and honest with one another, supporting one another through vulnerability etc etc. I feel like this is me ‘practicing what I preach’ even if I don’t share this with anyone I know personally. Maybe it will help someone out there.
JOB. I’m currently working a 9-5 internship at a very cool place. For privacy reasons, I’m not going to tell you what place but just know…it’s cool. Ha! What a tease I am! Clearly, not fun enough because I’m sitting here starting a blog instead of doing work. Very productive, I am.
MUSIC. One of my favourite things to do (at work, but also everywhere else) is listening to music. I love Spotify because it’s such a great way to learn of new music that you would have never found otherwise! They also make cool playlists like “Chill Coffeehouse” or “Stress Free”. Although I still feel stressed when listening (lol sorry Spotify) just closing my eyes and hearing my favourite tunes and lyrics makes me so incredibly happy. I’m sure a lot of you feel this way too.
ANXIETY. I’m sure this is the reason a lot of you have come here, or how most of you even found my blog. Anxiety is tricky. It is so different for everyone who has it. Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Social Anxiety Disorder. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Panic Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. For me, its: GAD, OCD and PTSD. So many acronyms! So fun! (Another thing you will get to know about me is that i totally use humour as a defense mechanism. I even laughed one time during therapy when telling my counsellor about my past..lol)
Truthfully, I’m ok now. I wasn’t for a really really (really) long time, but I am now. I’m on some great medication that works for me and my anxiety. Medication was also my last resort possible and I tried absolutely everything before then – I hope this helps you understand how many different remedies I tried. Therapy. Mediation. Ignoring it. Getting active. More therapy. More ignoring it. Drinking a stupid amount of water to “clear my head”. Sleeping a lot. Honestly, if you google “Alternative Treatments for Anxiety” I have probably tried every single one. Nothing worked.
It got to the point where I would become to overwhelmed with life and school and everything that I would cry and think my life was over. It made me seclude myself. I was isolated from my closest friends by my own doing. I did the bare minimum in school to stay ahead. I couldn’t concentrate for more than 20 minutes because of anxious thoughts running through my head. I gave up trying alternatives and finally just bit the bullet. 5 months later, I am actually doing well.
Soon, I’m going to write a full post about my journey with anxiety because it is far too much to write in an introductory blog. For now, I want you to know that even if you feel like there is no way out to the thoughts overpowering your head, I promise you there is.
stay anxious & brave,